Me (pointing to tie): remember this? What’s this called again? Him: I think I called it a unibrow. Me: yes, but that’s not what it’s called. It’s a… :::starts pantomiming the tying of a bowtie::: Him: String? Knot?….Chokehold?
…said the TWELVE YEAR OLD.
Yes. The ever-prevelant musical chokehold, ladies and gents.
Fifty Shades of Grey fans, unite (outside of this blog because I’m not one of them).
A student, singing “Happiness” from You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown: Her: (stumbles) flappiness…I mean happiness is…two kinds of ice cream. Me: Yes. Ice-cream does lead to flappiness. Of my triceps.
A student sees two tied notes, stems down. In the next measure, he sees two tied notes, stems up. Him: Why is that unibrow upside down here, but not there? Me: well…it could be that’s not actually a unibrow…
Parent, in an e-mail: ***** wants to audition for Legally Blonde. Can you send me the information and performance dates? Me, Reply attempt no. 1: Subject: Blonde Dates Me: (pauses)…well, that’s going straight to his spam folder…
(the following interaction is non-studio activity, but related nonetheless)
Soprano, singing one of my original compositions on teaching…. Her, singing: but seriously, I SO need to pee, and I’ve got six more freakin’ hours to teach! (another professional educator, watching) Him: that’s some truth right there. Me, in my best sassy-black-lady affirmation: you know that’s right mmm-hmmm
Unfortunately, my next post is going to be a bit of a downer, but that’s life. Stay tuned. And remember how you felt after reading this post.
A few days ago, my college students gave their voice final aka jury aka life-reducer. Juries are kind of like bacon: reducing lives by seven minutes each time.
Where I went to school, if we gave a recital, we had to give a mock jury, which basically consisted of giving your recital in its entirety for all of the voice faculty so they could deem you worthy of performing.
Here’s what it was like:
I’d psych myself out all the live-long day. Yoga, tea, beta-blockers, visualization…
self-promises that as soon as it was over, I’d indulge my senses.
meanwhile, at the judger’s table…
Of course, it always ended up being okay…
Mock Juries: cruel and unusual punishment.
Also, the compulsory Christmas tree, just to bring it home: