From Teaching Music

Remembering the Tie | amusingmusicmaven.com

Remembering the Tie

A few weeks ago, one of my students called the musical tie symbol a “unibrow.”

The prodigal student returns…

Me (pointing to tie): remember this? What’s this called again?
Him: I think I called it a unibrow.
Me: yes, but that’s not what it’s called. It’s a… :::starts pantomiming the tying of a bowtie:::
Him: String? Knot?….Chokehold?

…said the TWELVE YEAR OLD.

:::shakes head:::

Yes. The ever-prevelant musical chokehold, ladies and gents.

Music-tie.svg
choking notes since the dawn of music

 

Fifty Shades of Grey fans, unite (outside of this blog because I’m not one of them).

 

 

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This Week in Studio Teaching…

A student, singing “Happiness” from You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown:
Her: (stumbles) flappiness…I mean happiness is…two kinds of ice cream.
Me: Yes. Ice-cream does lead to flappiness. Of my triceps.

A student sees two tied notes, stems down. In the next measure, he sees two tied notes, stems up.
Him: Why is that unibrow upside down here, but not there?
Me: well…it could be that’s not actually a unibrow…

Parent, in an e-mail: ***** wants to audition for Legally Blonde. Can you send me the information and performance dates?
Me, Reply attempt no. 1:
Subject: Blonde Dates
Me: (pauses)…well, that’s going straight to his spam folder…

(the following interaction is non-studio activity, but related nonetheless)

Soprano, singing one of my original compositions on teaching….
Her, singing: but seriously, I SO need to pee, and I’ve got six more freakin’ hours to teach!
(another professional educator, watching) Him: that’s some truth right there.
Me, in my best sassy-black-lady affirmation: you know that’s right mmm-hmmm

 

Unfortunately, my next post is going to be a bit of a downer, but that’s life. Stay tuned. And remember how you felt after reading this post.

– your Maven

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12 Christmas Songs Re-Named by Music Teachers: Have Yourself a *Dairy-Free* Little Christmas | amusingmusicmaven.com

12 Christmas Songs Re-Named by Music Teachers: Have Yourself a *Dairy-Free* Little Christmas

Dairy: every singer’s nemesis. Even more so than the alto who keeps getting all the soprano solos.

Dairy produces phlegm. Phlegm totally cockblocks singers’ vocal mechanisms.

photo 2
brain vomit…

Once it gets all up in there, it’s hard to clear it out without sounding like a diabetic cat at the end of its years…

the struggle is real, kids
the struggle is real, kids

 

Pavarotti likely wouldn’t have been caught dead with a tub of Fage greek (but he probably would have been able to pronounce it…DICTION).

photo 4
phlegm police…what if that were real?
photo 1
poo = true.
doesn't a body good.
doesn’t a body good.
photo 2
I eat all them all.

It’s a shame that string cheese is so portable and healthy. The ideal snack, really.

Except that it produces DEMON PHLEGM ALL UP IN MY BUSINESS

photo 4
flatulence makes the world go round.

The only way to inoculate one’s self is to just AVOID DAIRY LIKE EBOLA.

doy.
doy.

Which isn’t that difficult, as it turns out.

 

In case you missed my other music-related carols that I re-named, here they are:

1. Blocking Around the Christmas Tree
2. All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Row Singers
3. O, Christmas Tea ™
4. Jingle Bell Mock(Jury)

May your holidays be dairy-free and bright…

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die Bach die

12 Christmas Songs Re-Named by Music Teachers: Jingle Bell Mock-Jury

A few days ago, my college students gave their voice final aka jury aka life-reducer. Juries are kind of like bacon: reducing lives by seven minutes each time.

Where I went to school, if we gave a recital, we had to give a mock jury, which basically consisted of giving your recital in its entirety for all of the voice faculty so they could deem you worthy of performing.

Here’s what it was like:

photo 2
a flippin’ shit circus
photo 5
memorize every piece.

I’d psych myself out all the live-long day. Yoga, tea, beta-blockers, visualization…

photo 2

 

die Bach die
die Bach die

self-promises that as soon as it was over, I’d indulge my senses.

photo 3
judge-free zone

meanwhile, at the judger’s table…

photo
contrived: kind of like your face.
yeah what of it
yeah what of it
does NOT even care
does NOT even care

Of course, it always ended up being okay…

::poops pants::
::poops pants::

Mock Juries: cruel and unusual punishment.

Also, the compulsory Christmas tree, just to bring it home:

look it's about the holidays.
look it’s about the holidays.

 

I’ve re-named some other pieces. Here they are:

1. Blocking Around the Christmas Tree
2. All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Row Singers
3. O, Christmas Tea™

Enjoy. 

 

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photo 1

12 Christmas Songs Re-Named by Musicians: O, Christmas Tea™

Singers go ape-shit over their tea…

photo 1
tea: infinitely better than any stupid, dying sack of prickly needles that are just out to hurt you

I drink a lot this time of year (TEA…and booze), especially since it’s colder and my kids are full of biological germ warfare.

me, minus the sinus clarity and lack of throat anatomy
me on tea.

Here’s why tea is the shit:

photo 3
dawn of man? go with it…it really is THAT GOOD (unlike my ability to photograph those words)
photo 1
also available in: Hug-Inducing

Beware, though…

truth.

I take mine with honey and lemon, like any sane vocalist.
Sharing; not caring.

and in case this didn’t have anything to do with Christmas, I went ahead and added a tree:

photo 3
afterthought. It’s whatevs.

Don’t be taking my tea.

 

How do you take your Christmas Tea ™?

 

Also, in case you missed it…

Day 1: Blocking Around the Christmas Tree
Day 2: All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front-Row Singers

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