From Humor

5 Reasons Why I Love My Job(s) | amusingmusicmaven.com

5 Reasons Why I Love My Job(s)

1. I used no less than eight curse words in a 30-minute lesson with a college singer, and also said the phrase “your ‘E’ sounds like soggy milk. Stout it up.”

2. I told a parent of a private student that he was my “magical good news unicorn.”

3. I spent a half hour shining my iPhone flashlight down my throat and using my own finger as a tongue depressor to demonstrate soft palate and tongue placement to a middle-school singer. It was slimy.

4. I accidentally called a nice woman a tart in choir rehearsal (I was trying to say “sing your part,” but instead said “sing you tart”).  Her husband, who was in the row behind her, chuckled surreptitiously.

5. I posted a picture of these on my pastor’s Facebook wall:

Golden Girls prayer candles: someone really made these.
Golden Girls prayer candles

…advocating their use in services. Her response was: “do you have an anthem to go with that?”

My response:

Replace the word “You” with “God.” Thank God for Being a Friend.

 

…This is why I love my job(s).

 

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Unapologetic Teaching Outfit | amusingmusicmaven.com

Unapologetic Teaching Outfit

Yesterday, I wore this to my job:

Yoga pants.
Yoga pants.

Anytime I get down and out about life, I remember that I could still be teaching in public schools, or work a corporate gig, or have to clean up poo, and I remember how wonderful it is to get to throw on a pair of these, make myself a hot cup of tea, and head downstairs to teach.

IMG_3657
in my yoga pants. Without shoes.

…and I remember that life is about the little things, like teaching in your most unapologetically comfortable (yet strangely flattering) clothes.

…five years ago, I most definitely would have been concerned that this would reflect poorly on my character…

Today, do I really care about that?

No.
No.

 

Have a wonderful Thursday, everyone, and may today be as comfortable as a nice, stretchy pair of socially acceptable pajamas.

 

 

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Remembering the Tie | amusingmusicmaven.com

Remembering the Tie

A few weeks ago, one of my students called the musical tie symbol a “unibrow.”

The prodigal student returns…

Me (pointing to tie): remember this? What’s this called again?
Him: I think I called it a unibrow.
Me: yes, but that’s not what it’s called. It’s a… :::starts pantomiming the tying of a bowtie:::
Him: String? Knot?….Chokehold?

…said the TWELVE YEAR OLD.

:::shakes head:::

Yes. The ever-prevelant musical chokehold, ladies and gents.

Music-tie.svg
choking notes since the dawn of music

 

Fifty Shades of Grey fans, unite (outside of this blog because I’m not one of them).

 

 

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Stayin' Alive | amusingmusicmaven.com

Stayin’ Alive

Ah, ah, ah, ah, Stayin’ Alive. Stayin’ Alive.

This seems to be my choice mantra of late.

It’s been nearly ten years since I took a CPR class. If someone were dying in front of me, I probably couldn’t keep it together enough to keep them alive. I would probably remember nothing and instead offer them coffee and a shoulder to cry on…which seems appropriate.

A few weeks ago, my sweet little dachshund baby had a seizure at 1am in the morning. A terrifying rush to the emergency vet ensued, during which I did not sob wildly OR break at least 18 traffic laws (I did put on my flashers, to my credit).

wimpy little weiner. Also, that's not my hand because that would be weird and hairy.
wimpy little weiner. Also, that’s not my hand. That would be weird and hairy.

All I could do in the moment was attempt to locate pants while futilely ignoring the fact that my adorable little life force had lost all bladder control and looked like a wretched canine version of Linda Blair.

But I do remember one thing from that class…

…Did you know that when giving CPR, the compression rate (i.e. the number of times per minute that you pulse on the victim’s chest) almost directly matches the tempo of Stayin’ Alive by the Bee Gees?

I knew I liked this song for a reason.

Music saves lives, people. Don’t you forget it.

 

P.S. Liam the Dacshund is A-OK and all is well. But I did almost poop my pants out of fright (and Liam definitely pooped his pants).

 

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A Letter to Youtube: On Monetization

I recently uploaded some original compositions to youtube. Monetization (the non-soul-selling kind**) of my blog and youtube channel supports my Starbucks habit, albeit poorly, but any number is larger than zero (except the negative and imaginary kind, but let’s not go there….)

The little dollar sign on my video manager taunted me and sang siren songs, so I clicked it to enable monetization.  Youtube chose not to believe me, though, which was unfortunate, silly…and wildly inappropriate.

So I submitted an appeal. Here is what it looked like:

On 02/07/15 20:08:13 *******@gmail.com wrote:
full_name: Robin Anderson
email_prefill: ***************
artist: Robin Anderson
song: Songs on Teaching: Principal’s Perspective
composer: Robin Anderson
lyricist: Robin Anderson
publisher: Unpublished
music_label: independent
label_relationship: artistislabel
comm_use_rights_details: I allow myself commercial use rights for my
content.
static_subject_line: YouTube Partner Support – Monetization Claim
video_id: jqoORI_iQGk

Here is what I SHOULD have said:

Dear Youtube. Dear, foolish youtube. I wrote this music of my own accord, by myself, in the privacy of my home studio. The melodies and harmonies are a result of six years of higher education, seven years of teaching, and two degrees in music. The witty, ironic ideas in these songs emerged from the depths of my torrid soul after two traumatizing, tumultuous years in public education that left me scarred for life. I penned my thoughts, willingly committed myself to an exposed state of vulnerability so that I can perpetuate my art. I contribute to society by creating something completely original, by reaching out musically in whatever small yet crucial way I can so that I can satisfy our base, instinctual need to connect with other humans, and so that someone, somewhere will know they are not alone. It is apparent, based on the sheer number of monetized material available on your platform, that your intents are honorable. I’m sure you mean well by allowing “meme-o-holic1998” to run ads on a top-forty hit that clearly has not been ripped off the radio. Or by letting “amateurphotogal4eva” run a poorly-timed slideshow to God Bless America using images that have clearly NOT been plucked off of google. Not at all. In fact, I’m sure you don’t mean to crush the spirit of every well-meaning original artist out there when you prohibit them from cashing in on their 1.70 a month for work they willingly submit for free so that the world can be a better place.

However, do not be mistaken. Every time you restrict a composer from monetizing their original music, a music teacher dies. DIES. Don’t be a douche. Save the music.

 

…..There wasn’t a field for that, though.

Their response:

Hello Robin,
Thank you for confirming that you own the rights to commercially use all video material. Your video has been approved for monetization.

We look forward to the next video you submit for monetization.

Sincerely,

Thierry
The YouTube Team

 

Thanks, Youtube. Maybe my “next video for monetization” won’t involve the sacrifice of a music teacher’s life so that your neighborhood starving* artist can pay for half a cup of coffee. Oh, and you’re welcome for the original art.

Love,

A Disgruntled Music Maven, listening to a monetized Wicked playlist and chanting the personal mantra “Nothing’s Gonna Bring. Me. DOOWWWNNN!” (ah-hahahahaaaa)

 

** I’m wondering now if there is such a thing…
* I’m not really starving, but the sentiment still stands…
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