1. I used no less than eight curse words in a 30-minute lesson with a college singer, and also said the phrase “your ‘E’ sounds like soggy milk. Stout it up.”
2. I told a parent of a private student that he was my “magical good news unicorn.”
3. I spent a half hour shining my iPhone flashlight down my throat and using my own finger as a tongue depressor to demonstrate soft palate and tongue placement to a middle-school singer. It was slimy.
4. I accidentally called a nice woman a tart in choir rehearsal (I was trying to say “sing your part,” but instead said “sing you tart”). Her husband, who was in the row behind her, chuckled surreptitiously.
5. I posted a picture of these on my pastor’s Facebook wall:
…advocating their use in services. Her response was: “do you have an anthem to go with that?”
Replace the word “You” with “God.” Thank God for Being a Friend.
…This is why I love my job(s).