Spike’s Studio, Part III: The REAL Business Owner

Have you gotten sick of seeing pictures of my cat?

I promise that 94 percent of the time, I’m a normal human who’s not entirely obsessed about my pets. In fact, sometimes I need my pets not to be around, so much so that we’ve worked out an understanding, the animals and I. I’ve trained them to respond to the word “out,” and I use the command in everyday situations. For instance:

“OUT.” I’m cooking and I need you to untangle your bodies from my ankles and stop eating every savory morsel of food I accidentally drop on the floor (unless it’s grapes or kale, which pets will not touch).

or

“OUT,” :::lays down on floor to do sit-ups, gets bombarded in the face with with cat ass and dachshund tongue:::

or

“OUT.” Get outside and attend to your business ::they pee for less than 4 seconds and demand to be let back in:: Uh, no. You’re not allowed back in until I see actual, steamy turd (this only works with the dogs, obviously). Out.

Sometimes, though, I have to have a nice version of “OUT” for Spike. I use “up, up, up,” (phonetic: “uh-pup-pup”), which means “you’re not doing anything wrong, but I need you to move your ass right now.

…because he is ALL OVER EVERY SURFACE of my studio. All the time. I shot these photos  less than an hour apart:

mmm…butt smell. So many student's butts.
mmm…butt smell. So many student’s butts have been here.
mmm paper so cozy
mmm paper so cozy
the world's fuzziest and eccentric bookmark
the world’s fuzziest and most eccentric, high-maintenance bookmark
don't think I don't see you sneaking photos of me
don’t think I don’t see you sneaking photos of me, he says.
thanks for warming up "my" chair, he says.
thanks for warming up “my” seat, he says.
don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
don’t hate me because I’m beautiful…insurance covers paw marks, right?

 

He’s around so much that he’s become a sort of saucy little studio mascot, the wily little minx.

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